Dating vs Courtship: what are you doing?

These days the average Nigerian Catholic youngster has at some point wondered about dating/courtship, what is the difference and which one is best for me? Which is right and follows the principles of the church? What are other non-Catholic Christians doing and how? Are what age should one start thinking seriously about starting a relationship with the opposite sex? The questions go on and on… Yeah, we’ve all been there at some point right?

Let’s take a look at both relationship models

Courtship

The courtship concept suggests getting to know someone for three to four months before exclusively seeing them and working towards marriage. The marriage itself shouldn’t occur until two years pass. This approach is supposed to lessen the number of relationships (and heartbreaks) a person has,( well thats the idea).

For a very tight reined approach the girl’s father would manage her relationships for her. Guys are told to ask the father’s permission for every prolonged encounter with his daughter. That model is so archaic and laced with  problems, parental restriction and “all what not”. Truth be told I’m not sure anyone practices this kind of courtship anymore and in my opinion, it’s for the best cos in today’s world young women have been given quite a lot of responsibilities and if a young lady can provide herself they can definitely handle the choice of who to court with her father’s input.

Dating

The Dating Concept is actually more entertainment centered and it’s of American culture. The African (Nigerian) culture actually practices betrothal, where the girl child is promised to a man at a very young age and when the girl child comes of age is married off without the girls consent. Thankfully a large percentage of Nigerians have said good bye to this practice and dating is being encouraged amongst youths. Dating suggests fun, it’s something people do as part of entertaining themselves and not necessary to find a partner. Although some would argue that dating is a more civilized way of courtship, there is a fundamental difference.

Courtship vs Dating

Every so often, the words Dating and Courtship are used interchangeably, I should be so because both words actually mean different things. To court means that you have marriage in mind and that you are seeing a person exclusively and in the bid to discern if the person is right partner for you. Those who enter into courtship are pretty sure they have found the one. They are not going into courtship with any thought that it is not the one. Otherwise, they would not be exclusive.Courtship is supposed to last for a short period of time and is supposed to lead to engagement.

Dating is does NOT specify exclusivity, you can date several people at the same time, A person who is dating does not necessarily have marriage as the end point in mind. In fact, mentioning marriage on a date might be a good reason for an argument and an unpleasant date. Dating is more social and fun oriented, you just want to go someplace or do something with someone else and you feel it might be more fun with the opposite sex.

Another reason courtship is usually entered into when both are pretty certain they have found the one is because the reality of starting over from scratch with a new person and going through the process again is draining and deflating. It is much too involved and comes at a high price.

So courtship should not be used interchangeably with dating, and should not be entered into lightly. However, if it the courtship does not work out, you have avoided rushing into a marriage that you may likely have regretted later. Courtship, as a process, ensures that all the right steps have been taken and all the right things have been talked about in order to come to the closest conclusion possible that you are in love and want to spend the rest of your life with this person. If you can endure each other’s faults, quirks, and negatives sides, and still say “I love you!”, then you have what you are looking for.

Dating is NOT courtship. The best way to describe dating is that it is a sampling process. You date in order to sample the person. You spend non-commitment time with the person in order to see if there is an all around attraction to that person enough to move on to “serious dating.” Some people never stop sampling. In fact, they unfortunately allow themselves to cheapen their offering by showing they only want to sample, and never purchase.

Single persons who want to get married are in this same situation. They are putting themselves out there to sample in hopes to find a buyer. This particularly pertains to women, since men are the purchasers (the ones who propose).

Dating today has sadly become a free-for-all of perpetual samplers, with no intention to buy (make a permanent commitment). Worse, they naturally are inclined to want to sample the marriage-only goods as well, proving further they don’t want the commitment and responsibility that comes with the dating process toward marriage. Dating is a great thing, as long as people are willing to make commitment moves, being willing to be exclusive, start courtship  and then engagement, and then marriage. Otherwise, it is just socializing with friends. True, serious dating seeks to find your best friend. Courtship confirms that you found that best friend.

So, there it is! You’ve got the details, what are you doing now? Ladies, I hope you can now tell whether or not you are stuck with a perpetual sampler. If you are its time you do something about it.

I hope the information helps, Stay tuned for more post.